what was i thinking?

I thought i had overcome all there was to overcome,

but there's still more left to overcome...

ch..ch..ch.ch.ch.changesss

Well, ever since i've stepped onto mother Russia's ground...everything seems to be in a changing motion...true, that with changes, only one can grow...( well depends if its a good change or a bad one in my own opinion lah~) and in this case...i guess God has placed me in this position for a certain reason and for a certain purpose...

Coming back to Volgograd, knowing that the boy wasn't gonna be here was tough at first (and bu, I still do miss yoouuu... )but knowing that there are some awesome friends who are still around, yes YOU (if u think you are la~ hekz) life isn't as bad and i still have that smile on my face most of the time...=)

From group thirty-7 to group forty-8...yes, i've been "chased out" (haha, by the dekanat people for no apparent reason) of my ol' group and have been placed into a new one...

and now, yes,i'l proudly say that i'm from the last group that's gonna go up on stage on graduation day and will be the very LAST person in my batch to step on that stage to receive my scroll...Damn, now my parents will be thinking i'm such a screwed up student being the last to go up...(knowing how parents think..-_-")

Anyways, was suffering from constant dizziness which became so bad at one point...hah, and thinking back on how i approached this disorder only made me feel like a pure fool...instead of relying on pure faith that there should be no big of a deal and just head to the polyclinic for a checkup i was like chasing a blardy chicken around d whole kampung...running to the ENT specialist, to the NEUROLOGIST...yes call me a fool or whatever u want to but of coz i'm scared knowing that i am at risk for suffering something more severe...nvm, if u dun get wat i mean...well, after a friend told me to just start again for the beginning...and that's when i finally gave up worrying and gave it up to the Lord to just take full control...so with the previous blood test(yes, stupid clinic people didn't bother to call us sick people up to say that there's a problem); preliminary diagnose = iron-deficiency anemia....BODOH...haha....

Will be collecting the latest results in a few hours time...and hope its just that n' nothing more serious..

M' on pomegranate juice and iron supplements for now...for the next tiga bulan...and my stool is blardy hitam!! hahahaha...

Haven't been going out to take photos...the baby is just sitting on my shelf collecting dusts...wth...

Been hooked on to korean series like nobody's business...for less than 2 months, i've already finished three long long korean series...talking bout someone who never really likes korean series once...aih~

Have found my 'sassy-gay-fren'...hahaha...

Being apathetic to a certain few things...eh, i'm gonna start living my life and not let YOU (who has caused me 7-ty five percent of my stress level) influence my life anymoreee....

Has a newbie/buddy under my wings now...one who spends moolah like nobody's business...yes, i'm scared now.

M' so into ZEE AVI at the moment....omgggggg....how can u not lurve her...

N' yes you people, i AM eating more MEAT!! =)

Wants to start exercising and not merely just my fingers....-_-

Really really hates my laptop real bad now...!!!

moving on to the next....

the end of my first cycle of the semester...

ok it was suppose to look like the drawing of a dead body on the ground guess it din turn out that way -_-"

i love...

i love stoning in front of my laptop screen even when i know i have loads of things to do,

i love photography, no doubt, but my pictures always lacks that umph,

i love wearing 2 layers, but i've only a few months more to be able to wear that way,

i love high heels, but due to my deformity, most of the time i can't find the right ones,

i love colorful sneakers, but is there such a thing as owning too many of the same kind?

i love empty notebooks with cool covers, but all i get here are colorful, kididy-ish covers with squarebox pages (like ur mathematics exercise books)

i love cool funky huge rings, but i can't seem to find any that fits my fingers well,

i love staring at a whole shelf of perencah at the supermarket even though there's no purpose to it,

i love having tonnes of stocked-up breakfast-food in my shelf coz i can't stand having the same breakfast everyday,

i love to have another small digital camera, but people dun seem to understand the purpose of it,

i love to NOT want a new phone, but my phone is slowly killing me,

i love a new laptop as the current one is making a hell-load of rattling sounds,

i love staring blankly at the whole shelf of coffee and tea at the supermarket,

i love those evening walks,

i love those cheap 9rubles popsicles,

i love having hot hot coffee early in the mornings, sometimes after dinner,

i love having drinks with some close friends, just to sit, chat and chill,

i love staring at old couples holding hands walking in the park,

i love hugs when i'm down, but that hug is 4,414 miles away,

i love you to first hear me out before blasting into a rage,

i love calling home everyday just to know you're safe and well,

i love surprises,

i love it when you give me credits i deserve,

i love to have that smile constantly on my face, but yes, i do have my mood swings,

i love to dress up, but i have very limited fashion items,

i love having a long long list of things to buy,

i love to mumble and grumble most of the time, i don't know why,

i love to see that you care,

i still love you even though you're so far away,

i still love you even though you're so freaking fake the whole world knows it,

i love you to come and experience that one true love that i do, but are you willing to open your heart to experience it too?

i love to hear you say i love you but does it really give away the true meaning even though you said it too often?

i love you to love me, but people still do judge you no matter what,

i love you to understand my isi-tersirat, but do you??

i just love it when you waste some of your precious time listening to my rantings...=)

gud nite~

solitude...

i am in a melancholic state...so shoot me!

dusted and ready to go...=p

*dust dust* *pooh*

Ok, i know that the blog has been abandoned ever since the end of my last paper...haha...see!! when u have all the time in the world to do things like blog, go out and take photos, do watever nonsense...you won't feel like doing...but everything seems to be an inspiration especially during the exam periods...-_-"

Well, i'm finally home...short one this time...but i'm not complaining...it'll be my final year soon and i'm just waiting to get it over with! *bah*

Been occupying myself with things to do since its a lil boring at home...d boy is away at national service (getting a lot of recognition from the people there coz he's a doctor...-_-"). Oh and him appearing in the Utusan Melayu regarding his participation...which the reporter wrote nothing but just pure bullshit in that article. Forgive me for my words but its just ridiculous on how you can compose such "wonderful" piece of utmost disgusting story for the nation to read. Apparently the boy told me that he did NOT even mention anything of what was written in that article. haha...who's surprise??

Most of me buddies are still away and partially coz i'm a little lazy to head out...but when i wana go out so badly there's no kaki to go with...pfft...talk bout "good brothers" that i have...tsk!

A junior of mine from uni passed away...and i'm deeply sadden by it...i was tongue tied...not knowing what to say to a good friend of mine who was at the incident and to see poor Prapa just drown in the Volga right in front of her...Prapa, i may have not known you well, but i do know that you're an amazing individual, one that everyone looks up to...and i regret for not getting to know you better. I'm glad that you're in a much better place now and i'll continue to pray for you and your family and friends =').

Was back home in SEKINCHAN during the weekends...took the new babe for a test drive around the paddy fields, and the fishing village...(you be the judge and tell me how the pics are aight =)) something really new, and am still not used to the 'multi-function' features that it has...haha...practice babeh practice and i'll get the hang of it~ oh yea~ but even to practice, hell, i need to get my lazy arse out of the house...so sayang!! i'm waiting for you to get to my place fasstttt!!!! LOL...

Wth...it was raining...and i ran to get the laundry in from the rain...and wth...i think i just had d utmost embarassing moment of my life...i ran, slipped and crash into the gate with a huge loud bang!!! and what's worse...IN FRONT OF THE FOREIGN WORKERS who are working in the house next to mine...-_- arrggghhhhh....

aih, and now to tend to the bruises...-_-""

mixed feelings

Woohoo!!! i'm finally free after a whole month...yes, 30 days of mind cramming, energy wasting and mood swinging sessions...bah!! its all over !! I'm finally a 6th year student!!! Time just pass so quickly!! Seems like it was just last year that i arrived in volgograd, and poof...in a wink of an eye i'm already one step closer into the working world.

Well, as promised, the boy did bring me on a shopping spreeeeeee...=) got myself a skirt (wow!), a dress (lagi wow!) and a top...all from the boy...*muax* (ok, 'wow' sebab...well to those who know me well, Cherrie doesn't usually search or choose or hunt clothings like those while shopping...so yea...).

I'm still stuck in Volgograd (stupid russians!!). I'll be here till the 17th where after rushing to finish the ambulance exam, i'll be headed straight to the train station to catch the 5pm train to Moscow and then the next day to Bangkok and then its HOME SWEET HOME...see, so near yet so far...urgh!!

Truth be told, i'm not 100% the cheerful self of mine...though i may seem just like it in front of everybody. Never has my tear ducts been this active before for the past few days...The boy has left for home just this evening...I know that i'm not exactly the "clingy" kind...but to know that his presence won't be there 24/7 kinda sucks... I won't have anyone to hear my stupid complains, to tend to my stupid lame-o questions, to bear with just me coz i'm such a nuisance and a miserable individual...-_-", no more big huge smile in bed when i wake up on the weekends, no more evening walks, no more big hugs, no more racket-ball sessions in the evening (no one to push my swing too!!! haha). It has just been 5 hours since he left, and i'm already missing him alot...thoughts of all the fun times we had, all the silly things he did, and the times he pissed me off kept running through my head all the time...and only brings tears to my eyes...wth...ok, i shall stop being all softy now...cis!

Stupid national service...if it wasn't for you i would be able to spend time with the boy during my summer...grrr...

Anyways, on a happier note...i'm looking forward to more dinners, paintball, water-gun fights, bowling sessions and minum sessions...=) oh, yeshhh....

Sigh...i just got a sms from the boy.... Oh Cherrie, stop tearing already!! ish~

Darl, I miss you~